Binoculars With 100 Proof Magnification
I'm not much of a drinker, but I've always been supportive of folks having a snort every once in a while. I'll admit that I've been on film shoots in below-zero weather with a flask of rum in my pocket (for medicinal purposes, of course), but there are times when you just can't bust out the booze and take a pull.
There is a whole industry devoted to secreting alcohol on your person, and this type has long been one of my favorites. Here we have a good looking set of binoculars. Hold them up to your face, and you're not going to see any too well (you're probably not going to see all that well in a minute, anyway...). Check to your left and right that the bleacher police aren't looking your way, unscrew the eyepiece and you've revealed the secret vessel that holds your boozy reward.
Each eyepiece is the screwtop to 8 ounces of drinkables hidden in your field glasses. If you load it up with two kinds of hooch, you can even adlib some mixed drinks for your next impromptu party. What a sneaky way to boost a boring match at your kid's soccer game, or perhaps this could renew interest in birdwatching?
Kind of puts a whole new spin on the expression "beer goggles", doesn't it?