Wonder Sauna Hot Pants
This was someone's idea of a good idea. I can't say that I immediately latch onto the science of these inflatey pantaloons, but I guess the idea is that the unpleasant suffocation of your nethers somehow leads to weight loss. Let's ignore the Stockholm Syndrome Smiles of our product models, instead investigating some of the box's claims. How can you "slenderize exactly where you want" when the pants are designed to moosh and bake you primarily in the Bermuda shorts region?
Can we turn to the NHL ripoff logo for any reassurance? It's the logo for the Amateur Athletic Union, a century old organization that determined amateur status for athletes. The presence of the logo sanctions the use of the Sauna Pants by tubby people with an eye on the Olympics. If you are turning to these plastic PJ's to warm up your chances at glory, it might be a little early to go for the gold.
Speaking of gold, there is a great Monty Python sketch featuring golden "Trim Jeans". They sponsored "Trim Jeans Theater Presents" which among other things enabled you "to enjoy the poetry of T. S. Eliot whilst losing unsightly tummy bulge". Imagine a new version of "Treasure Island" where the cast have donned golden sauna pants to lose inches off their hips, thighs, and buttocks. I guess that it's no surprise that even back in the 70's, inflatable sauna pants were just as ridiculous as now.
In the absence of any scientific studies, here are a few ideas of how the sauna pants might actually help you lose weight:
1. Wearing this precludes any sort of public eating. Ever.
2. When fully inflated, you can't fit down the cookie aisle.
3. I'm still fat, but my hemorrhoids feel great!
4. Color blind wolves may think you're wearing a skirt made of giant sausages, and eat you before anyone sees how fat you are.
Losing weight is hard, so please remember that no matter what your slimming regimen, refrain from using your fitness pants as a flotation device.