ACME Whistles
By James Grahame
My 7-year-old would love an ACME whistle. However, it would only be a matter of minutes before one of his loving parents discovered him terrorizing the hamster with shrill 100 dB blasts.
Evil Parent would then accidentally flatten the bloody thing under the nearest passing bus. The disarmed kid would count to ten before wailing inconsolably (with a mischievous glint in his eye) until we promised to buy an even louder model.
Luckily, most of ACME's wares are dirt cheap. For example, the famous Metropolitan Police Whistle weighs in at a quite reasonable £8.55.
If you're eager to spend more, the Thunderer Titanic - finished in sterling silver - could be yours for £82.71. It's billed as the "Authentic whistle as used on the famous ocean liner." The site includes dozens of piercing audio samples in mp3 format for hours of torture listening pleasure.
