Remembering The Sega Master System

The Nintendo Entertainment System gets a lot of praise from gamers. And why not? It had great games, introduced a bunch of classic franchises, and revived the video game industry after Atari went ahead and screwed it up. It deserves to be celebrated. We may be on a budget, but don't worry, we're going to have confetti. Just remember - clerks want you to buy the candy first before you take the wrappers.

But back in 1992, all I knew was that we owned a Sega Master System, and it was awesome.

Yeah, the NES kicked its butt in North America. Yeah, by that year the Sega Genesis was already out. So what? So many people talk about how good the NES was, but not enough gamers realize that the Sega Master System was a fine console as well. (Some of these gamers wouldn't realize being caught in a time warp, but I digress.)

That being said, I can see why people may have been turned off by it. The console is long and boxy - very utilitarian, just like its controller. It was cast in straight black and red colors, which looked grim compared to the dull tones of the NES. The cartridges matched this color scheme too, but they came in these strange, white boxes with grid lines all over them. Why would they go with a design choice like that? The only thing I can imagine it's good for is to separate a Fruit Loop from its peers. Then the Frosted Flakes will rescue the surviving Fruit Loops, who will then go on to tell their stories. (Of course, the Cocoa Puffs will deny it ever happened.)

But the labels on the game boxes confounded me the most. For some reason, the title of the game was always followed by a label that read "The Mega Cartridge". Not A Mega Cartridge - THE Mega Cartridge. What's the point of that? Did labeling a game "The Mega Cartridge" make it more awesome? And if it did, don't you think the effectiveness of this label would be decreased if you called every game THE Mega Cartridge? I mean, you don't hand out a medal to everyone who flies over to the Olympics. What event would that be for? "Synchronized airlining"?

Okay, I'm nitpicking here. In the end, the games are the thing. We never bothered to pick up any new games, but by the time my young mind first noticed the Master System, we already had a bunch of games to go with it. Most of them were pretty fun. And, well, difficult to play. What did you expect? I was six. I still thought carrots tasted like Cheetos because they were orange.

So, yeah. These games were, to use an ironic trope, Nintendo Hard. Maybe it's because my reflexes sucked as a kid, but we also didn't have the instructions for these games, so good luck figuring them out when you're six years old. Let's take Miracle Warriors: Seal of the Dark Lord, for example. It's probably one of my first role-playing games, but all I remember is that I moved along a grid, fought monsters, and always got killed. I didn't have the kind of mindset you need to appreciate a game like that. That didn't happen until a guy in a club spiked my drink, tied me down to a bed, and made me roll up a paladin.

I had more fun with other games, mind you. I really liked games like Aztec Adventure, where you went around mazes and bribed enemies to fight for you. I was also a huge fan of the Double Dragon port, but since it was also balls hard, I hated playing it alone. I still remember begging my sister to play two-player with me. (By the way, I went back some time ago and played it because I figured I could handle it now. Then I watched someone else beat the game on YouTube, so I pretended that I made the video while undercover.)

Of course, some games were just plain hard to control. After Burner painfully comes to mind. It was hard enough to steer - try shooting down enemy planes at the same time while you're at it. The Rocky game was also tough because of its wonky mechanics. You see, if you're getting pounded on, you can't control Rocky until you block a punch and start swinging back. This will definitely go well in the hands of a second-grader. "I don't know what to do! They never showed it in the montage!"

I think the only Master System game I beat was Monopoly. And I don't even know how I did. I just picked the car and hoped for the best. It's safe to assume the AI got itself bankrupt. AIs can get pretty stupid like that. I guess that's what happens when you get programmed at DeVry.

But despite all the frustrations, I loved that Master System to death. Ironically, I wasn't the one who caused its demise. That honor goes to my sister, who accidentally knocked it off a counter with the grace of a tuba. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised - she had a penchant for ruining things I had as a child. That's why Mom started putting mothballs in my closet.

Still, even though fate tore us apart, I still respect the Sega Master System to this date. It may not be NES-quality, but I'm glad I developed my early gaming skills on that magnificent beast. If you haven't played any Sega Master System games, I really recommend you give it a try. How you do it is up to you. Buy a console. Emulate the hardware. Heck, go back in time and steal mine.

...I remember you.

And what happened to me afterwards, you probably didn't ask (but I'm going to tell you anyway)? Well, after the Master System passed on, I continued gaming on old computers around the house. That is, until Dad brought home a little console called the Sega Genesis. Hey, what can I say? Sega did what Nintendidn't. Plus it was big and black, and our hockey team wasn't that picky.

When not trying to make a suit of armor that can fight Decepticons, Matt Willard makes fun of nostalgic games, books, and TV shows at Giant Robot Invasion.