Retro Thing

Telehelper 1600 - Let Your Fingers Do Less Walking

 
I've been using Google Voice for a week or so now, and I love it. It's one of those things that delivers on the promise of the computer... to make life easier. Of course, free phone calls aren't bad either. The system has an interesting approach to working with your existing telephone. You type out the phone number you want to call via Google Voice, the system calls your telephone, and after you pick up it rings through to your party. Very slick, and I didn't have to do anything at all to change my conventional phone service.

I imagine that people would prefer to dial directly, but I sort of like the delay. It reminds me of big bosses behind massive desks in old movies smashing down the intercom button to bark out, "get the Prime Minister on the line for me!". That idea is from a time when your job could actually include looking up and dialing a number for your boss - so he doesn't have to.

Somewhere between cigar chomping chiefs of old and Google Voice came devices like the Telehelper 1600. It's a desktop device that "records" phone numbers so that you can speed dial one at the push of a button. Of course this facility is built into many desktop phones and even cell phones today, but back in 1983 you'd have to plunk down about $65 to get the sophistication and convenience of one touch dialing.

Such high prices were the norm in those early days of phone service deregulation in the US (an answering machine from the same product line fetched more than $200), but it wasn't long before speed dial buttons on phones lightened the load on harried secretaries everywhere.

related:

PhoneMate Model 500 - voicemail in the early 1970s
TeleQuest Fiero Plus Phone
Another Sparkfun rotary mobile phone

Another Unfortunate Font Cliché

Fonts have been much on my mind lately thanks to a project I'm working on. There are certain font cliches out there that I'm sure we all suffer through every day. My friend Tony pointed out the overuse of "Curlz", "Fiesta" pollutes every retirement party invite and daily specials at Mexican restaurants, and let's not even consider the unspeakable horrors visited upon us by users of "Comic Sans" (the 2004 Canada Day collector coin, for one...).

Who knew that "Trajan" has commited crimes on an even larger scale in just the last few years? According to this video, a surprisingly large number of movies use Trajan as their title font, trailer font, or as part of the DVD packaging. There must be some Trajan-friendly focus group somewhere that made this happen. If you've seen the brilliant documentary film "Helvetica" (created for the font's 50th anniversary), you know how easily a font can become so ubiquitous that it can lose some of its power.

Why do certain fonts hold our fascination more than the many other varieties out there? I guess because they still work. "Verdana" still looks great, "Times New Roman" will live forever, and "Georgia" is a classic that we even use around here on Retro Thing. Just please make it so I don't ever have to see "Magnetic" or "Chicago" again.

Pick up the documentary "Helvetica" on DVD from Amazon

related:

Typewriter parable - How far have we come?
Tippa S portable typewriter by Grundig-Adler
Terrific typewriter titillation

Sega & Cigarettes: Passions That Can Finally Burn Together

In the US, Sega made their mark with the Genesis video game console. To use the vernacular of the era, their ads were "badass", painting the aging Nintendo Entertainment System as sissy and childish. It was effective, and gave Sega their brightest moment in their long history. This all came before a series of disastrous decisions about the future of video gaming hardware:

• Sega CD - barely any good games

• The 32X - hacky 32 bit adapter obsoleted with frustrating speed by next gen hardware

• Saturn - expensive and doomed in the shadow of the then-new Playstation

• Dreamcast - A system I continue to adore, and scratch my head at what went wrong

Imagine how much more badass those original Genesis ads would have been if they used one of these Sega lighters to set the competition on fire. I hope that Mario and Bonk wore their asbestos underwear. These are new lighters from Banpresto's promising "Sega Memorial Hardware Zippo Lighter" series. Even though I don't smoke, I was ready to plunk down a few bucks to pick these up. I like to imagine that I have my own anti-social badass moments that could only be aided through pyromania.
The problem? The lighters are priced in the neighborhood of $155 each, which is WAY outside what I was expecting. The honest-to-goodness Zippo lighters are very good representations of those original consoles, and I've always been fond of Sega's technology at play, but who is prepared to spend that kind of coin for such a novelty? I'll have to find other ways to express my badass/pyromaniac side. I suspect that few of us these days have that kind of money to burn.

Order your lighter from Net You in Japan

"Convergence" Lava Lite? Just Add Kitschy Telephone

Growing up I always wanted a Lava Lite. I don't recall when I saw my first one in person, but it's been a long time love affair. Seeing them dot the village in The Prisoner was all I needed to go nuts for them. The problem was that Lava Lites used to be difficult to find and a bit expensive. Fortunately in the 90's I guess there was some breakthrough in Lava Lite technology, and they became standard issue again for dorm rooms everywhere.

Lava has expanded their brand to Lava Lites of different sizes, themed bases, even a Tiffany style lamp, and then there was this - The Lava Lite phone. I guess this could fall under our "convergence" series as it is both phone and Lava Lite in one. The phone is designed to mimic the sort of groovy shapes of an idealized 60's... like what Austin Power's or Disney's idea of the past would have been. There is no astonishing tech at work here... rather plain Nick-at-Nite styled phone with lava blob-like buttons, generic chirpy ringtone, and the somewhat unusual white "lava" coalescing away while you dial your Baby Boomer friends long distance.

What's odd is that this is a late 90's item, and already there is barely any reference to it anywhere on the internet. How quickly we forget our kitsch. It was a bit of cash as I recall - I saw these for sale at Radio Shack, but I imagine they had to be available elsewhere as well. Too bad an LED inside the lamp doesn't flutter when the phone rings, or offer some other interaction between lava and phone. As with so many other convergence items, it looks like if you want your own Lava phone at home, all you need is a Lava Lite, a cheap phone, and a bit of hot glue.

related:

Tiffany Lava Lite - A Classy Take On A Groovy Classic
Orbitz - the Soft Drink, not the Travel Service
Psychedelic Lava Lamp Offspring

Self-Cleaning Oven Saves Fingernails Everywhere

 
I'm glad that we live in a world where anachronistic ads like this one are... um... anachronistic, and this one brings up some uncomfortable questions. Even though both husband and wife are depicted, it still positions the stove as being primarily for the lady of the house to operate and care about. She's cajoling her old man into the purchase by crowing the ease of the self-cleaning mode (usually accessed by setting the oven to "molten core"), and the timer that will make sure that dinner's on time even on auto pilot. His comments are that he likes the build of the stove - because men are imbued genetically with expertise in how all stoves should be built.

I can't put my finger on it, but the underlying tone of the ad bothers me a bit. From the looks of the stove and the hairstyles, this isn't exactly ancient history. When did appliance manufacturers get comfortable with marketing to a world where men do actually touch the oven from time to time?

Of course the most uncomfortable question posed by this ad is exactly how many fingers does this lady have?

via Found In Mom's Basement

related:

Hasbro Easy-Bake Ovens cause injury and mayhem
Fun with microwaves
Hotpod multifuel stoves

The Largest Hoard of Anglo-Saxon Gold Ever Found

The Staffordshire Hoard consists of over 1500 breathtaking gold and silver items. It was discovered by treasure hunter Terry Herbert on July 5, 2009. He was searching private land with a metal detector when he came across the first item. Herbert then spent the next five days feverishly scouring the neighbouring farmland in search of the rest of the treasure. The items were subsequently excavated by the Birmingham University Archeology Unit to ensure that nothing was accidentally damaged or overlooked.

"The quality of the craftsmanship displayed on many items is supreme, indicating possible royal ownership. Stylistically most items appear to date from the seventh century, although there is already debate among experts about when the Hoard first entered the ground.

This was a period of great turmoil. England did not yet exist. A number of kingdoms with tribal loyalties vied with each other in a state of semi-perpetual warfare, with the balance of power constantly ebbing and flowing.

The exact spot where the Hoard lay hidden for a millennium and a half cannot yet be revealed. However we can say that it lay at the heart of the Anglo-Saxon Kingdom of Mercia."

The first question that crossed my mind was, "Does Herbert get to keep it?" It turns out he doesn't - ownership of the find falls to the Crown and the collection will be offered to museums.

However, 55-year-old Herbert and the landowner will receive a reward equaling the full value of the treasure, but figuring out how much it's all worth will be tricky. The metal has a scrap value of approximately £100,000, although top-notch 7th century craftsmanship is a tad rarer than gold fillings or old pocket watches.

Some of the pieces will be displayed at the Birmingham Museum from Friday September 25th through October 13th. After that, everything will be taken to the British Museum for valuation.

The Staffordshire Hoard

Decorate Your Home With The Delicate Touch of Burlap

When you're a person who spends a lot of time around a lot of old rotten junk... sorry, "Retro Things ™ "...  sometimes you encounter a mystery. For years I'd find all kinds of furniture with crusty gunk in unexpected places; lampshades, sides of desks, and the like. I figured that these must be the residue from some applique projects, or perhaps stickers? Turned out I was right, but who would dream that it would be burlap?  BURLAP?

I've written about all kinds of misguided home decor ideas (read my piece on paint-by-number paintings, or the picture frame post that I just about fomented a retro-revolt...). The idea here isn't bad on its own. "Peel & Pat" is simply a textured swatch of cloth with a peel & stick backing. Just snip out a shape, and smooth the cloth on. This would be great for decorating something that might be damaged by heavy glue, or perhaps you want to decorate a spot with difficult corners and curves. A fine idea, but I have to return to the question of using burlap.

Okay, the internet is snarky enough. Our readers don't come to Retro Thing just to watch me verbally thumb my nose at arts & crafts of the past. Perhaps I need to think of another tack. Let's see... burlap is really durable, so maybe it's a way to add a spot of decor to high traffic areas, or how about a great way to cheer up those dreary mechanic's overalls? Oh, just forget it. I can't do it. I can't come up with any reason for this to exist. I concede to you, O pre-packed sticky-back burlap.

The only real use I see for peel & stick burlap is a rapid in-field repair of your prized potato sack. Buying this just isn't going to get my creative juices flowing. Look - even the packaging is a lie.  "Colorful"? We're supposed to believe that unfriendly, itchy gravy-hued cloth is "colorful"? The projects suggested on the package seem delightful - and adding a spot of personalization onto even the most mundane thing can make trash into a treasure. But then I think of those same projects in tan burlap, and I just need to have a lie down.

To think that after all these years a little piece of stick-on tan burlap is what finally did me in. Burlap?

related:
There's more to Paint By Numbers than just filling in those little spots with paint
Don't read about this ugly picture frame if you're just going to yell at me after...
How about a mantle clock that looks like Delft porcelain, but is really cross-stitch?

Stainless Steel Sharpie

At just over $10, the stainless steel Sharpie costs about five times what you'd pay for a regular one. However, that extra cash scores you a surprisingly pretentious stainless steel design with a laser-etched Sharpie logo. The ink cartridge is replaceable, although the refill inexplicably costs almost as much as the pen itself.

Apart from that, it's pretty standard stuff: a fine point tip for tagging decorating almost anything, and non toxic ink just in case you feel like doodling on an incapacitated friend's tongue.

The Sharpie has been around since 1964. It was available in black until 1979, when a kaleidoscope of additional colors opened up a new world of bathroom stall sketching possibilities.

Sharpie Stainless Steel Permanent Marker [via Make]

Folk Art Of The Future: Pokémon Toolbox

At my local thrift, they sometimes give me stuff that doesn't sell, and somehow this precious artifact from the future just wouldn't move. Thanks to the branding I recognize the characters as being from Pokemon, and the toolbox as being a little higglety-pigglety in construction. Did some young lad or lass do their best to build a toolbox, and then emblazon with their favorite really odd characters? Or did dad turn his back and find his tools were now an ad for the strange fad?

Whatever the motive might be, I have a feeling that someone was being teased for having such a goofy toolbox, and it ended up abandoned at the thrift. I'm left to wonder what will happen if someone discovers this toolbox a century from now. Will they think the mysterious made-up word is some forgotten language? Or that odd spherical demons ruled the earth of the early 21st century? Or will President Pikachu simply capture the artifact, and commit it to the National Pokéball Archives?

Wagner Portable Personal Clothes Dryer

 

One of the things I miss as an apartment dweller is hanging my clothes outside on the line to dry. Your clothes end up smelling terrific (depending on the neighborhood, I guess), they last longer, and best of all - it doesn't cost anything! Years ago some neighbors would look at me askance when I would do such a thing (Is it so déclassé to hang one's underwear outside?), but now lots of people are yapping about outdoor clothes drying like it's a new idea. It takes a worldwide financial crisis to de-stigmatize the time honored of drying clothes without electricity?

I'm sure that appliance manufacturers are a bit uneasy thes days. What if people get the idea they might not need a clothes dryer? Or perhaps by using it less, their current unit lasts 15 years instead of 8? Sure a new dryer might be more energy efficient than an older one, but is there anything that manufacturers can do to make dryers even more energy effective? The answer came decades ago from Wagner in the form of the Personal Clothes Dryer.

The Ultimate Pizza Box Is Finally Delivered

I hate to start off with a cliche like this, but I really admire "out of the box" thinking - especially when it's something so deucedly clever that someone should have thought of it before. Here in Chicago, pizza is practically a food group on its own. You'd think there would have been an improvement on pizza box technology before now.

Here's a video of the Green Box, the Transformers of the pizza box world. Witness how a few clever die cuts can make this mundane object many times more useful. Now to put that sort of creativity into that whole saving the world thing...

Ferris Bueller's Ferrari House For Sale

Here's your chance to own a piece of cinematic history - the location where Ferris Bueller's pal Cameron accidentally sent his father's prized Ferrari plunging through a picturesque plate glass window into the ravine below.

"The Ben Rose Home - site of the famous movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Cantilevered over the ravine, these two steel and glass buildings - which can never be duplicated - have incredible vistas of the surrounding woods. This is a unique property designed by A. James Speyer and David Haid, both notable architects of the 20th Century."

These magnificent examples of mid-century minimalism (that's an exterior shot of the garage on the left) can be yours for only $2,300,000, or $433.96 per square foot.

370 Beech Street, Highland Park, IL [via Cory O'Brien]
Ferris Bueller's Day Off - Ferrari Scenes [YouTube]

10 Year Old Sony Comic Book Phone Already Forgotten

This is a low-priced phone from about 1999. It's a simple little Sony that still works and sounds great. The phone came in a lot of chic colors with a sprinkling of style, all for $20. I just found this comic book inspired version at a thrift for a buck, which is even more stylish than the one I already have at home. Great for a retro house, but here's what's weird. I could find no record of it on the internet.

Something that came out in 1999 isn't on the net? There's barely a record of the regular models of the IT-B3 phone online, let alone this specialty pop art number. Not that it's super important to have the internet act as a catalog of every piece of plastic drek that's ever been, but it does bring a point to mind.

I meet a lot of people these days who rely on the internet instead of simply remembering things on their own. Know someone like that? How many people have told you that their palmtop has replaced their brain, even for remembering the simplest things? I even have a friend who doesn't know her own phone number - she has to call my phone so we can both figure it out from the caller ID.

 I guess that I'm a Luddite for harboring a fear of over-reliance on technology, but what am I supposed to think when my friends can't remember something easy like calculating a tip? The internet isn't a perfect snapshot of facts or recent history. "Old media" like newspapers and TV aren't perfect either, but in my circle it seems like folks honor a Google search as if it were a message from the Oracle at Delphi. The hazardous bit that people seem to forget is that the Oracle would often answer truthfully without giving a true answer.

I guess that's why we're here. At Retro Thing we help the internet remember those forgotten bits of crucial information, old & not so old. We even help people remember fun things like (deep breath, now...) 10 year old comic book inspired phones that still work well and sound plenty good for $20.

related:
Telequest Fiero phone burns a trail into the 80's
Child's phone with some scary packaging
Toy ranch phone

Garbage Bag Maker Offers Wine Glasses On The Side

 
It's always interesting when an established brand decides to cast their net a little wider. It seems like every few years a consultant comes into the boardroom and advises that firm to diversify - and then a few years later another consultant comes in and insists they consolidate. The result is brands that are scattered int he marketplace, applied to products that might not be terribly related to that brand's core values...

I joked about this tendency to try to broaden brand influence when I was interviewed by The Brand Show a while back. I joked that brand names are being slung around and remixed so much, that it won't be long before we have Tidy Cat toothpaste. Let's hope that some slick consultant doesn't one day fly an idea that rotten, but someone really shellacked Mobil Chemical when convincing them to manufacture disposable wine glasses. So what fine brand is on this box of thrifty plastic vessels for an evening's sophisticated sipping? Hefty.

TV commercials used to chant the toughness of their famous plastic garbage bags - "Hefty, Hefty, Hefty". Probably not the quality paramount in wine glass selection. Sure, we live in a disposable culture, but is it too much to ask that we celebrate the vino that we serve our guests with a bit more panache? Then again, having a few plastic flutes on hand when ham-fisted drinkers show up with some Two Buck Chuck might keep Grandma's crystal safe for another generation.

Fortunately the box does recommend reusing the glasses, so that's at least one mark in their favor. Still I can't shake the Hefty name, even if they print in mauve to look classier. I feel like these glasses are tailor-made for me to have some elegant refreshment next time I take my trash down to the curb.

Sorry marketing consultants. Next time I'm having a snort of White Zin out of my plasti-glass, all I'll be thinking about is that the eventual destiny of my "crystal" will be... wait for it... a Hefty bag. Makes ya think, don't it?

related:

Float red wine glass
Manneken Pis surprise drink decanter
Arcade Cabinet Keeps Gamers From Getting Thirsty

Earth Day - Prospects Of Incandescent Bulbs Looking Dim

The light bulb has been with us for some 130 years. There have been changes and tweaks along the way, but for the most part the basic design has remained more or less the same. Whether you're lighting up a room, or cooking a brownie in an Easy Bake Oven, it's no exaggeration to say that the low cost and relative efficiency of the light bulb has shaped our modern world in myriad ways. There is a relatively recent spotlight on one of the costs of the light bulb, the cost to our environment.

The last few years have seen a flurry of development in new sources of illumination. Multi LED arrays and Compact Fluorescent Lights provide the same amount of light at much lower wattages. There is a distinct push toward worldwide adoption of these new light sources. More and more countries have laws on the books that will eventually outlaw (yes, they're really using the word "outlaw") certain wattages of conventional light bulbs in a global effort to reduce pollution.

Many large retailers are celebrating Earth Day by giving out free CFL lights. Others are partnering with municipal power providers to discount these new bulbs to speed mainstream adoption of these new light sources, and it appears to be working.  It also puts me in mind of a similar conservation and thrift minded partnership that came before...

In the past, local power companies offered a sort of "light bulb club". Subscribers paid for bulbs as part of their electric bill, and were entitled to pick up an allotment of bulbs at local shops. The idea was to save consumers money while encouraging them to use lower wattage bulbs (some were odd wattages I'd never seen before.  A 41 watt bulb?). Or you could be like my boss at my high school job who squeezed the maximum number of light bulbs possible out of the service. The large number of light bulbs pictured came from just such a hoarder, but let's get back to talking about today.

From my casual observation, consumers are accepting of these new bright spots in their lives. The high initial cost is quickly offset by a real savings on the monthly electric bill. The only down sides I see are the clinical bluish cast of such lights.  I prefer the warm tones of an incandescent, especially for photography. Also there is a small quantity of mercury in CFL lights. Not enough to be harmful if one breaks, but worth keeping out of the ground. Fortunately many retailers are taking CFL bulbs back for safe disposal and to recycle the electronics within the fixture.

 As time goes on, more advanced versions of these alternative light sources will hopefully be a bit more sympathetic to the eye. The outlawing of incandescents in the future excludes low wattage and decorative bulbs, so you'll still be able to enjoy dimmable romantic mood lighting when the spirit strikes. There's no need to run out and replace your Christmas tree strings and night lights. The laws are intended to move the bulk of day-to-day illumination to more environmentally responsible alternatives.

It's a marvel that a modern incandescent bulb still has a lot in common with those of Edison (and the many forgotten inventors and patent holders that got there before him, but that's another story). As we move on to new sources of light, I hope that no matter what moebius strip shaped device we screw into a light socket, we'll still call it a "bulb" as a bit of a tribute. Why not? After all we still "dial" a phone on a keypad - and we don't call its ring an "electronic chirp". As we move toward more environmentally responsible light sources, let's not forget to admire the simplicity of the cheap and reliable incandescent bulbs that made so much more possible for our entire planet for so long.

Learn more about CFL lights at U.S. gov't Energy Star site
LampRecycle.org

related:
Hotel room sign warns of early light bulbs
An early look at ultra-efficient LED light bulbs
Light rays push around Crookes radiometer