This Swiss CD player costs more than a used car. The front panel features an analog VU meter and gob-smackingly expensive controls.
"Your future wife will be a stenographer, blonde, beautiful, and just dumb enough to fall in love with you, but smart enough to keep two jumps ahead of you. She is used to dictation - but not from you. She will willingly exchange her notebook for your bankbook. As she doesn't like changing and also doesn't know anything about washing, you will be kept busy hanging up towels, and changing your four little carbon copies."
related: Toast your new wife with wine drunk from a Hefty cup
I found a postcard from the 1950's that also puts words in kittens' mouths. In this case, there are no odd misspellings, nor does the viewer need to have any foreknowledge of World of Warcraft or sea lion buckets. We can travel back in time even further that that. How about an old sepia toned postcard from 1905 featuring a dressed up (also hungry) kitten? When you think about it, this whole LOLcat thing is just a new name for an idea that's been around for a long time. Before someone brings it up in the comments section, I think that it's debatable whether the "Hang in there!" suspended kitty poster would count as a LOLcat since the caption isn't an internal dialog.
It's safe to say that a lot of us speak to our pets, and they may sometimes "talk" back to us... c'mon, don't be ashamed - we all do it! My ferret speaks to me in a Russian accent about wanting more pizza sauce, and I know I'm not the only one. With the ubiquity of digital cameras, the ease of uploading modified pictures onto the internet, and the irresistible urge to try to figure out what our pets are thinking, it's easy to see why this LOLcat thing is so popular. After all, they've been around for more than a century.
related:
I remember staring in wonder at the back page of a Richie Rich comic book (or something equally unfunny) with my best friend. A wildly colorful ad offered Sea-Monkeys; mysterious and miraculous pets that you bring to life by simply adding magic powder to water. Sort of like Tang. The ad claimed that you could train the Sea-Monkeys to do tricks, which sounded really cool. We sent away for a kit, but were concerned that they'd resemble the art in the ad; genitalia-free nudie pink aliens beings, the ladies modestly clad in only a single large bow in her antenna.
We needn't have worried. The result was more like the stuff we fed the goldfish. The fine print of the ad does actually say "Caricature not meant to depict Artemia Salina". I felt a little gypped, but I guess kids wouldn't buy Sea-Monkeys if they knew they weren't that much cuter than having pet silverfish.
Once hatched, the little brine shrimp could be trained to perform a couple of "tricks" - mostly since brine shrimp naturally steer toward light. So you could basically puppeteer them with a flashlight. We never got them to do anything impressive, but maybe that's because we lacked impressive training facilities.
These 1970's commercials show the "ski trials", "cycle race" as well as a more upper crust "fox hunt" for those Sea-Monkeys of better breeding. These elaborate race courses exploit another natural quality of brine shrimp, that they swim against the current. So you and a partner stir up the watery course with special syringes in what may be one of the oddest races ever. More evidence that the people who brought us Sea-Monkeys sure thought up a lot of ways to have fun with pets that are little more than bait. Then again, it beats getting a Pet Rock.
Support Retro Thing when you order Sea-Monkeys supplies on Amazon
Mix tapes seem to carry a weight of almost archaeological significance. They are tiny time machines, placing you right back into the most important periods of your life. If you ever made a mix tape for someone else, you know how painstaking the song selection process was. Each one had to be precise and meaningful. I remember my friends taping songs from old records, using my dual cassette deck to record tracks off my other tapes, or - this is my favorite - taping the radio when I knew a certain song was coming on. It was a labor of love to be sure.
The Mix Tape 64 MB Memory Stick plays off the idea, but this time, you simply use your computer to save songs directly to the memory stick. Then, you can place your creation in that familiar mix tape packaging and bestow it upon the lucky listener. Maybe now the painstaking part is finding that rare track to download.
Having held onto my own priceless mix tapes for years, I think it is nice that they paid homage to a classic.
Buy the Mix Tape Memory Stick at Amazon
Urban Retro Lifestyle Cassette Culture
Mixwit: Swap Mixes Online
Silly Mix Tape Generator
I mostly work at home, so I'm not part of the necktie and starched collar set. A few weeks ago I had a formal job interview, and I realized that very few of my ties are "legit". My dresser drawer is choked with novelty neckwear that would do little indeed to boost my professional image.
The worst one is this aggressively polyester 70's number. Let's put aside that it's the size of a sleeve, has a plasticky sheen, and that it sports a "Rockford Files hired goon" pattern. Flip it over and you can spot the tie's secret. There's a nude lady with a drawn sword living in my tie, and I can't tell if she's happy about it or not.
I should really stop being surprised at the odd places that naked ladies show up. I just don't know whom this tie is really intended for. Guys who work at the nudie Fotolab? Hard journalists (heh) who write for Penthouse Letters? I suppose it's exciting to walk around the office knowing that a nude woman is hanging from your neck, but the risk of getting a note from HR seems enormous.
So here's what I learned; once you're on the job by all means bust out the kooky cravats. Just make sure you have enough "grown-up" ties so you can make it through the interview in the first place.
related:
nudie cutie barware
Beefcake glasses from the Sugar Shack
Manneken Pis drink decanter with a surprise
If you ever get to see a real
turntablist ply his trade, keep your eye on his fingers. Not only
can you cop some sweet moves for your next turn behind the wheels of
steel, but DJ's have a knack of finding some pretty nice digital
adornments. Here's a handmade ring with a mini turntable on it,
along with a tiny disc of real vinyl. It doesn't play any music, but
it looks like just the thing to wear next time you are.
The ring is available in a few different styles, and is going to set you back
something over $300 US, which doesn't seem unreasonable for a limited
edition and uniquely handcrafted piece of jewelry. I think that I'll
pass though. As much as I like it, I'm such a granny that all I can
think of is how I'd constantly get the tiny tonerm caught in my best DJ-ing sweater. 
The Tudor Budget Bank may have the aesthetic sense of a fusebox, but it's sturdy looks house the method to finally organize all of your household finance. Okay, that's probably an exaggeration. Basically you're looking at six piggy banks in one - unlocking the box reveals the separate tins fitted inside. 
It even has circular openings for rolled up bills. So from now on instead of desperately fishing around in your change jar when the tax man is at the door, you can neatly sort your change and bills into a half-dozen categories every night when you empty your pockets.
Elmer Sas invented and patented the Budget Bank in 1929, and it was a huge success in Depression-era America. The bank originally came with suggested labels for the half-dozen slots, including setting aside some of your coinage for charities like the Red Cross. On the strength of this product, Sas founded Tudor Metal Products and in the 40's went on to create his most famous invention - Electric Football; that rattling metallic gridiron that you can still get today.
The Budget Bank remains a good idea. I'm always surprised at how much spare
change I accumulate over a few months, so maybe if I keep it nicely sorted with
the Tudor I'll be able do something meaningful with my legal tender... though one of my slots is definitely going toward my "Hot Doug's Hot Dog Emporium" fund.
Related:
Mini steel safes
TV shaped coin bank
Arcade console or piggy bank?
Pets are messy. They gnaw on your shoes, claw furniture and barf hairballs all over the carpet. Thus concluded a group of friends in a California bar one evening in April 1975. One of them, Gary Dahl, grinned and announced, "I have a pet rock!" and the pals spent the evening dreaming up reasons that a rock would make the perfect pet.
Dahl had a background in advertising and knew a good idea when he heard one. He spent the next few days writing a tongue-in-cheek guide entitles "The care and feeding of your pet rock" and got a graphic designer to create a suitable cardboard carrying crate. The prototype smooth round pet was purchased from a nearby hardware store, and legend has it that Dahl eventually sold three tons of pebbles from Rosarito Beach in Baja, California.
Dahl unveiled his $3.95 creation at a San Francisco gift show, and Neiman Marcus was the first major retailer to jump on board. A flurry of press followed, and Dahl was selling 10,000 pet rocks a day by the end of October 1975. It was the perfect affordable Christmas present for almost anyone, and Dahl shipped 1.3 million pet rocks over the course of the holiday season. However, it didn't take long for dozens of competitors to jump in by adding googly eyes, painted mouths and all manner of gimmicks. The fad was pretty well dead by the end of the year.
Dahl lost a few friends after becoming an instant millionaire, as several of his friends at the bar accused him of selling out their idea. He was unable to rekindle the spark that made the Pet Rock such a runaway hit, but the pet rock has gone down in history books as a classic example of brilliant opportunistic marketing. These days, Dahl lives in a sprawling house in the Los Gatos hills. He still manages a few advertising accounts and recently penned "Advertising For Dummies."
Here's a photo from an 80's party I went to a while back. I didn't have much time to get ready, so I simply dug out a Tom Selleck wig and mustache kit (I wish I were kidding...), and a pair of shutter sunglasses that I still had from the 80's. I guess Kanye West saw how good these specs looked on me, and so has adopted them for his "Glow in the Dark" tour. I'm a fashion maven... it happens.
Men's fashion is usually pretty samey from year to year, and I've said before that I miss the part of the 80's where guys were trying to look like spacemen. Apparently the futuristic look is back for the boys with shiny fabrics, crazy neon colored patterns, and impractical eyewear like these shutter specs (when is someone going to finally make my 20+ year dream come true, and create a set of these that actually open and close like window shades?).
If you don't want all of us futurists leaving you behind, you can pick up a pair of aviator-style shutter glasses at Urban Outfitters, or click below to find your own set on Ebay. Just don't be too mad if some giant R&B stars spies you at a party and then totally cops your look.
I don't know if Retro Thing reader Glen Feibich was scanning Craigslist for a fireplace or an 8 track player - but he found both in a unique all-in-on-solution. Airline was a house brand for department store Montgomery Ward, and I've seen countless old turntables & reel to reel recorders released under that flag, but never anything remotely like this!
The fireplace contains prop logs and an animated light effect that resembles glowing embers, but gives off no heat. That's probably a good thing because it would melt all the records that you spin on the turntable hidden beneath the mantle. You'll also find an AM/FM tuner as well as 8 track tape player secreted away.
It's interesting to see just how many bad ideas are in this single piece of furniture. It eats up a lot of floorspace, doesn't actually heat the room, you can't display anything on the mantle and still have access to the hi-fi inside, the list goes on and on...
Thinking about it more though, it would be the ideal thing to build into your wall to hide a secret passageway where you keep your best records - and then mod the main unit so that the glowing fake embers are actually the volume knobs and tweaking the fireplace poker goes to the next record on the changer. Hmmm....
Anyone want to road trip up to Minneapolis with me?
Thanks for the tip, Glen!
Craiglist listing for the all-in-one fireplace.
Related:
Airline Mini Reel To Reel
ConvergenceV: flip-open radio/turntable
Lloyd's 8 Track - iPod version 1?
2-XL toy robot that uses 8 track tapes
I'm not much of a drinker, but I've always been supportive of folks having a snort every once in a while. I'll admit that I've been on film shoots in below-zero weather with a flask of rum in my pocket (for medicinal purposes, of course), but there are times when you just can't bust out the booze and take a pull.
There is a whole industry devoted to secreting alcohol on your person, and this type has long been one of my favorites. Here we have a good looking set of binoculars. Hold them up to your face, and you're not going to see any too well (you're probably not going to see all that well in a minute, anyway...). Check to your left and right that the bleacher police aren't looking your way, unscrew the eyepiece and you've revealed the secret vessel that holds your boozy reward.
Each eyepiece is the screwtop to 8 ounces of drinkables hidden in your field glasses. If you load it up with two kinds of hooch, you can even adlib some mixed drinks for your next impromptu party. What a sneaky way to boost a boring match at your kid's soccer game, or perhaps this could renew interest in birdwatching?
Kind of puts a whole new spin on the expression "beer goggles", doesn't it?
When faced with tough decisions, some high-priced executives turn to their crack staff of analysts and consultants. Others might go into hyper data-acquisition mode before generating a massive spreadsheet of all the facts. If you're a smart exec who wants to look calm and cool (and can't bear the thought of all of that data processing) just reach into your desk drawer and pull out this 1980's Executive Decision Maker from Radio Shack.
The EDM is a roughly 2" cube, clad in the finest simulated walnut finish. Two switches unleash the Decision Maker's decisive power. One switch turns the unit on, the other launches the complex "random" algorithm and the determined ticking and bleeps that accompany every decision making process.
Eventually the red LED indicator comes to rest in one of the six possible outcomes. Unless the answer is "ask again", you can simply slip the Electronic Decision Maker back into your mahogany desk and still make your tee time.
I suppose that plebeians can get a similar determination by rolling a die or flipping a coin, but neither of those has fake walnut woodgrain or bear the legend; "executive". The only question remaining in my mind is whether this device has ever been used to actually make important decisions. It would explain a lot.
One of my fondest Halloween memories when growing up was a house two blocks away. Their back yard faced the street, and Mr. Rubin would festoon his entire yard for Halloween. Under his massive willow he had all manner of witches, a few light-up skulls, some pumpkins - and I'm talking years before Halloween decorations were so easy to buy. He hand-made most of his display, using some mannequins and homespun know-how.
The best part was the figure of an old man tending a fake fire seated next to a little boy. Not impressive? What made it really great was that on Halloween night Mr. Rubin would set out a record player and play some classic spook-house platters like "Sounds to Make You Shiver". I used to imagine myself as that little boy mannequin, listening to the great ghost stories and haunted sounds of that LP.
There were countless fun and spooky children's records. I remember that listening to these LP's was like being able to put on my own haunted house anytime. When I listen to this recording today, there is an extra shiver of nostalgia as I remember staring through my neighbor's fence, convinced that the lifeless mannequins had moved a little.
People drove from miles around to see Mr. Rubin's display. His elaborate efforts were so much more than the usual paper cutouts in people's front windows that were the extent of Halloween decorating back then and I miss his display of good-natured spooks. So many of today's haunted displays have the kind of gore that is nightmare fuel for the younger set.
Say what you will about the iPod, it has brought with it a cultural revolution. The word 'iPod" has become the generic term for any MP3 player, and so it has quickly joined historic brand ID's like "Band-Aid" and "Kleenex". It's also inspired such an onslaught of accessories and fashion items, that the iPod is no longer just about listening to music - it's a whole lifestyle.
The iPod isn't the only piece of technology to create an irresistible stir in the zeitgeist. These two modest examples celebrate the lightning-in-a-bottle that is pre-recorded music. A stack of records let you program your evening outside the whims of your local radio broadcast. How better to embrace this freedom than a cheap Victrola vase, and a set of record shaped coasters?
The Victrola is neat - not only can you plant some smallish flowers where the platter should be, but water can reach up into the sound horn. You can have a few flowers sticking out of the petal-shaped speaker! Who hasn't wanted to do that?
The record coasters are even cuter. They come in an album - just like 78's used to. Slip the plastic records out (the label area of each one reminds you what you're there for: scotch, whiskey, etc.), slip a real record on the turntable and the party can begin.
There are a LOT of hi-fi and music related novelties out there. As much iPod merch may try to encroach on our everyday culture, let's not forget that the little guy has 80 years worth of catching up to do.
Stuart Schnieder is a collector of all kinds of flashlights, and his website is a museum of some of the more unusual ones. Several are for sale if you care to add them to your collection. These are real collector's pieces, so you'll need to be serious about your love for illumination.
It's my birthday next week, so if you're shopping for a gift one of these lovely light-up skulls from 1926 would do very nicely. This seems like a really serious skull for such a novel piece of jewelry. Was it intended for children? Or perhaps it's for The Phantom to wear on formal occasions?
Classic Retro Thing |
