Retro Thing

Pac-Man Matching Necktie & Ceramics

Today it's not strange to see a fully grown adult wearing a My Little Pony t-shirt. Well, it is strange... but that's beside the point. What I mean to say is that our pop culture clothes have grown to include lots of treasured childhood characters, no matter what your age is. That wasn't always the case. It used to be much more rare to show your enthusiasm for your pop culture faves in an "adult" context... where "adult" is defined by a desire for a sad polyester necktie and cheap ceramics.

Adult pop culture of the 70s and 80s had all the usual things - Mickey Mouse T-shirts, sport mascots, concert posters.... but of course video game characters hadn't really hit yet. A pixelated greyscale tank or Pong's phosphorescent slash don't exactly make for exciting garments.

That all changed when Pac-Man started gobbling the world's small change. He's often credited as being the first character in video gaming, I know what they mean, though it's funny to think of Pac-Man as having much of a personality. He's more or less characterized by his having a significant eating disorder.

Being the star of such a colorful gaming phenom made Pac-Man the star of one of the first gluts of video gaming merchandise. As a kid I had Pac-Man tube socks for goodness sake, but it wasn't only all about kid stuff. Check out these grown up Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man ceramics and a necktie.

Nothing says "grown-up" like a maroon necktie - the color necktie most favored by my youth's substitute teachers. This is an officially licensed bit of gear, with small tweaks applied to the look of the characters to be at least a little toned down.

The ceramics look like the sort of cheap thing that I might have given as a misguided mother's day gift. C'mon... Ms. Pac-Man is a lady, right? The inclusion of the Ms. tells us that this is part of a later merch push (there's an "82" scraped into the bottom).

I prefer a world where grown ups have more ways of showing their playful side. Too bad that the days are gone where wearing a Pac-Man tie would be outrageous in a boardroom... or ridiculed when wrapped around the neck of your new sub for Social Studies.

[thanks for the Pac-Man tie, Jeffrey!]

M*A*S*H Turns 40 Today - Awful Merchandise Memories

Worldwide hit TV series M*A*S*H was first broadcast 40 years ago today. The show teetered on cancellation throughout its first season, but then grew into one of the most popular shows on television (like stablemate "All In The Family" which it was often paired with on CBS). The series finale "Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" 11 years later was the most watched television broadcast at the time, with an audience of 125 million dewey-eyed fans.

There are so many lessons to learn from M*A*S*H, a show that somehow balanced heart-wrenching drama and bawdy comedy. One that has always resonated with me isn't so obvious. It's that maybe cancelling a promising idea after 2 episodes isn't always the best policy. If today's network hatchetmen were in power in the 70s, you'd never have seen M*A*S*H beyond the first season. Same with "All In The Family" (which had soft ratings until summer reruns made it a hit). Can you imagine if the only examples we had of 70s TV potential was Three's Company and The Gong Show?

Another lesson is that not every TV show is a rich vein of tie-in merchandise. Even M*A*S*H couldn't dodge the shrapnel of a lot of lousy cash-in crap. I don't mind lunchboxes and posters, and the like... but M*A*S*H action figures? What kid is supposed to enjoy these? I guess it's like playing with army men, except the more tragic side of the equation. The figures are of the main cast, with one variant; you can get Klinger in fatigues or in a dress. Tri-Star rolled out these figures in 1982. Klinger had stopped the "bucking for a section 8" drag routine years before, but even so... is this the first action figure depicting a cross-dresser? 

Back in the early 80s, 20th Century Fox was raiding their licenses to cash in on the video game craze. They made some mighty odd choices. There's Alien, a Pac-Man clone based on an R-rated movie, and there's M*A*S*H - a mash-up (forgive me) of Defender and the classic board game Operation. Oh, and an even more depressing chip-tune rendition of the show's theme song "Suicide is Painless". This came out in 1983, the year that M*A*S*H went off the air, right in the thick of the video game industry crashing. You can suffer through this on either your Atari 2600 or Colecovision.

So we learn that even one of the best ideas in television history isn't immune to a constant barrage of really rotten ideas all around. I doubt that even Radar's strange pre-cognition could see these lousy concepts coming...

Only A Few Dozen Clear Classic USB Joysticks Left!

If you've been thinking about picking up one of our limited edition USB Joysticks, act fast. There are only a few dozen of the blue version left out of a production run of only 500.

Huge thanks to everyone who has already ordered one -- your enthusiasm made us grin from ear to ear.

Feedback from the AtariAge forums:

"I got mine. Even when not in use, it makes an awesome nightlight"

"I received mine today. Very kick ass."

"Got mine today as well. Looks pretty awesome and works perfectly right out of the box."

Visit the Clear Classic USB Joystick page on Amazon to order yours

1968: Wonderland Arcade

Wonderland Arcade occupied a corner of the Bonfils Building in Kansas City, Missouri from the mid-1940s until the building was renovated in 1983.

"Every season, every morning, two old ladies make their way through the milling crowd at 12th Street and Grand and enter the spectral funshow known as the Wonderland Arcade. Inside, they ignore the pinball, the screaming video games, and the hotdog breakfasts, and stride directly to the ancient mechanical fortune teller enclosing a gypsy mannequin which looks about their age. They slip in their coins, and receive a paper fortune which allows them to continue their day. Then they recede into Downtown.

The fortune-teller machine has only six fortunes to dispense. In fact, that's all it's ever had. Over the years, the ladies have collected hundreds of copies of each fortune. And still they return.

Such is the magic of this place. It is a siren's island, and there are those who cannot resist its call." ~ Kansas City Magazine, Nov 1980

Read more here.

Copper Sprites

According to my handy but hopelessly outdated dictionary, a sprite is "a small or elusive supernatural being." In the digital world, a sprite is a graphical image -- often found in a computer game -- that moves around the screen. Pac-Man, for example.

Jim Harris of 'This is Obsolete' recently whipped up a collection of etched copper plates with aluminium and brass inserts that depict classic video game sprites. So far, he's created five images including a couple of Pac-Man ghosts and a satisfyingly weathered aluminum space invader. He's got plans to continue the series with Mario and others.

I'd love one of these on the wall of my Evil Mad Scientist Lair. Not just because it's cool, but because this sort of stuff captures the ephemeral characters from video games in a concrete, physical way. And that's a good thing, because it serves as a constant reminder that sometimes simple games from the past are every bit as satisfying as modern multi-million dollar epic adventures.

Jim reports that the collection is currently being exhibited at The Rock Inn, Kemptown as part of The Brighton Five Pound Fringe.

Sprites (2012) Preview
A flickr set of the first five pieces in the collection

Contra Sweater - 8-bit Knit

PLEASE tell me that this belogs to one of our readers. If it does, you have the most badass grandma in the history of badass grandmas.

Sadly, it's a Photoshop fake (the gradient on the "C" in the logo is a tip off) - but you were pretty excited there for a few seconds, weren't you?

Kickstart A 3/4 Scale Arcade Machine Project!

My wife gets nervous whenever I mention arcade cabinets or pinball machines. It's an understandable sentiment, because a good friend of mine has a basement filled with over two dozen vintage machines. She knows that as soon as one sneaks through the door, more will undoubtedly follow.

Archie Jones faced a similar problem a couple of years ago. He wanted to build a multi-game arcade unit, but his wife didn't want a refrigerator-sized machine lurking in the corner. The result is the American Ace Arcade—a scaled-down arcade machine that stands just over 4 feet high. It's the perfect height for kids or seated adults.

The design looks absolutely beautiful and Archie just rolled out an affordable Kickstarter project for anyone interested in getting their hands on one. Pledging $40 gets you a set of plans, blueprints and full-sized templates to make cutting side panels a breeze.

If you're not quite so into DIY, a $300 pledge gets you a cabinet kit that assembles with only a screwdriver, and you can add a $150 pre-drilled control panel (USB arcade controller, sanwa joystick and happ buttons) and accessory kit (marquee lights, t-molding, plexiglass and marquee retainers). There's also a $250 personalized artwork option which gets you the side panel art, marquee and control panel overlay.

Once you have the cabinet assembled, what goes inside is up to you. You'll need to supply your own monitor, sound system and game board (PC-based MAME arcade emulator, JAMMA multi-game, or even a home game console).

The fit and finish of the American Ace Arcade looks first rate and it's an excellent alternative to buying a pre-built unit, which can easily cost several thousand dollars. The compact size makes it easy to accomodate in the corner of a family room and makes it absolutely irresistable to kids. And if you like the compact cabinet but want something that adults can play standing, it should be easy to build a small pedestal to raise the unit.

So what are you waiting for? Check out Archie's American Ace Arcade and let me know what you think!

Links:
American Ace Arcade Kickstarter
A Flickr set of American Ace photos
Build A 'MAME Brain' For Under $150

Super Morrissey Bros.

I realize that chiptune covers of classic 80s songs aren't exactly new (someday we'll lay down a whole setlist of C64 SID chip covers of 80s classics), but this fresh take on the classic "This Charming Man" by The Smiths is just so right. Of course anyone can play any tune on any oddball instrument to get a laugh, but in this case the instrumentation and arrangement are perfection. How can this not have been a video game from the golden age? I dare you to get this tune out of your head, or to stop your d-pad thumb from twitching all day.
Okay, so what would a video game based on The Smiths be like? It would have to alternate between jubilance and murk, that's a given. I imagine you'd play the part of old Stephen Patrick Morrissey (his single-pixel pompadour bouncing with every skip). First level you'd have to slink quietly through a dusty library, trying to score dates with English Lit majors by dropping some Wilde, Keats & 60s pop queen references.

Spurned, you move on to an uncustomary bright London day looking for Shyness or Coyness (hoping they'll be nice, though they can also stop you). If you don't find Love, don't worry. The Bomb will bring you together. Hint: A+B+pause will give you even more tortured metaphors for "death". Avoid panic, the boy with the thorn in his side, hooligans (no matter how sweet and tender they may seem) and right when you think you have five seconds to spare - Bigmouth strikes again! In the bonus round, you upgrade your character to both son and heir, finding sadly that it's to nothing in particular.
After all of your travails (and moping), you can see the the other members of The Smiths at the far end of the screen. Reunion concert? Nope... it's just Johhny Marr telling you that the rest of the band are in another castle. Actually it's 1998 and the other two members of the band await you in a courtroom to press a lawsuit. A bit depressing and anti-climactic for a video game, I grant you... but this is The Smiths game we're talking about. It was really nothing.

Miss ol' Moz's voice? Here's a (sloooooow, but impressive) mashup of "This Charming Man" and something by that Lana Del Rey so many people are grousing about.

[thanks, Julie!]

Eat Your Way Through Atari's 40th Anniversary

This year will see a lot of Atari celebrating the founding of the company 40 years ago. You can expect that  we'll do our fair share here on Retro Thing, but you may also see some retro punters take a shot. Target has teamed up with General Mills to offer kid's cereals in classic packaging (again). The idea is to bring back some of that 70s vibe when all that mattered on a Saturday morning was slamming down some Lucky Charms, watching SuperFriends and edging up that Space Invaders score.

The nostalgic packaging is cute, but the "Atari Activities" promised on the box are a little pale. Let's ignore the fact that a sterile name like "Atari Activities" doesn't exactly sound "Totally Radical".   of the box has some puzzles and riddles that I'm not sure would actually engage the kids who are supposed to eat the cereal, or even a retro gaming hound like me. There is an online version of Centipede you can play, so I guess that's something... but I was hoping for at least a lame 70's era cereal prize like an Atari sticker, or a patch or something. It would be great to have a little souvenir of so many years of Atari fun. I don't fault General Mills for cashing in on Atari nostalgia, but I am disappointed that they cheaped out so badly.

Epic Adventure: A New Game For The Atari 2600

Todd Holcomb writes, "Here's my new Atari 2600 game that's a follow-up to the classic Atari game, Adventure. Featuring all new enemies, castles, and mazes, it utilizes the Pitfall II engine to produce pretty graphics. It will soon be available in the AtariAge store. Check it out in the development thread at Atari Age—you'll need the latest version of Stella or Harmony cart to play."

Because the graphics are based on the Pitfall II engine, it really pushes the limits of the 2600. I would have loved a game like this back in the day. Todd plans to release Epic Adventure on cartridge in early 2012. It's like being back in 1982... except better.

Retrode 2: A Retro Gaming Adapter For PCs

I'm surprised no one cooked up the idea of the Retrode 2 game adapter sooner. It's a little box that allows you to attach real Nintendo Super NES and Sega Genesis cartridges and controllers to your computer.

Once everything is hooked up, you can access the program ROM and SRAM (for game saves) on the cartridges using an emulator. A maximum of 2 Genesis and 2 SNES controllers can be connected at once -- you can even use all four controllers at the same time for some wicked multi-player action. You don't even need cartridges to play if you already have ROM images loaded onto your PC.

Retrode 2 measures 162mm x 80mm x 42mm and retails for $85. The package includes a USB cable and instruction sheet, and the manufacturer promises driverless operation under any OS with any SNES or Genesis emulator.

All in all, this is a neat emulation solution for people who don't like the idea of scouring the dark underbelly of the Internet for illicit ROM collections.

Retrode 2 will be available in February 2012 from Everdrive in Germany and Stone Age Gamer in the USA.

Worst Retro Joystick Ever?

The Vic 20 computer made chunky 8 bit waves in the history of video gaming. Commodore offered a joystick that was an albino version of the ol' Atari CX-40 [see smaller photo]. The C64 hit the scene later, and became a gaming classic despite Commodore's issue of possibly the crappiest joystick ever - the notorious 1311.

An initial look at the Commodore 1311 might make you think it's got some interesting ideas in the design. It's smaller profile fits in the hand a bit better, and that centered wide fire button seems like it would work for lefties too. The your eyes fall on the triangular joystick. Wait, what?

Corners on a joystick? Three angles to dig into your vulnerable hand during a marathon gaming session? Why not just put razor blades in there? It doesn't just look nasty, it IS nasty. I remember being really excited when my best friend got a C64, and tried really hard not to weep at the hideous pain from this joystick. Oh yeah, and that narrow profile thing is the bunk too. I find diminished stability, making me push harder, bringing the pain faster.

Retro gamers have strong opinions of which is the worst joystick ever, but you haven't been to the front lines until you've suffered through this gaming abomination.

Bootleg Portable NES Hides Behind Pompous Naval Rank

At first glance, the Game Theory Admiral looks like a first generation Game Boy Advance. It's around the same size too - it even has a pretty solid build. The cart slot is a little different, so what goes in there? Oh... the crazy adapter thing that was bundled in the box.

Then what? Looks like the right kind of slot for a Famicom cart. That's the original Japanese release of Nintendo's video game powerhouse. The cartridge is pretty small, so maybe this oddball arrangement can kind of work? I powered up the very peculiar setup, and yes - it does work. The screen is a backlit TFT - not the worst screen I've seen, but at this low resolution it's hard to make out the elements of the many games I tried. Audio is weird too, but that's common to most NES clones out there.

The Game Theory Admiral was alleged to include (mine didn't) small pigtail leads that adapt a full sized NES controller to connect to the portable. Two people trying to share a single tiny screen wouldn't work too well, but the GTA can output to a full sized TV. Kinda neat, but pretty much defeats the whole purpose of having a pocket sized game unit.

This is the cousin of a notorious portable NES bootleg called the Game Axe (which still trades hands for unreasonable money - pictured here.) The GTA is neat for a collector, but I wouldn't recommend it for really enjoying a game. The GTA is unusually sturdy for a bootleg (with the controller buttons and d-pad getting a special mention for being well executed), but the loopy design just invites trouble. Having that Famicom cart flopping around is just asking for a lost connection during an exciting game session.

The question you might ask is whether an American NES cart can play on the Game Theory Admiral. The answer is yes, but you wouldn't want to. Not only do you have to contend with the much larger NES cart, but there's extra height added when plugging in the Famicom slot adapter. Promising start, but really... this thing is just ridiculous.

Just stick with one of the newer portable NES units by Hyperkin or Yobo with better screens and (hopefully) better design overall. You'll also not run into the danger specified in the Game Theory Admiral's manual.

"Relevant Crazy Warning! When take a look at in the usualenvironment inside usually a certain flashlight that appear or a certainpattern, minimum amount the part of people will or crazy disease go into actionis take placed to temporary lose the consciousness".

You just can't afford to ignore a warning like that.

Free Retro Thing T-Shirt Bundle

8-bit Dinosaur is our latest limited edition pixel t-shirt. It's yours free when you buy a Retro Thing Clear Classic USB joystick for $29.95.

But be warned - this bundle is only available for the next seven days. Try to get it after Wednesday, December 14th and I'll just peer mournfully over the top of my scratched old spectacles, mumble something inaudible and shuffle off into the kitchen in search of a late-night Popsicle.

When you plug the limited edition USB joystick (one of only 500) into your Mac or PC, it lights from inside with a brilliant red glow. It's the perfect partner for the Stella Atari 2600 emulator (free download) and is also compatible with Atari, Amiga and Commodore emulators. It even supports the MAME arcade system and modern games that work with a standard USB D-pad.

The 8-bit Dinosaur design is available on adult and kid's "cardinal red" shirts. Each pixel tee is screen printed on a heavyweight 6.1oz Gildan Ultra Cotton shirt in Milwaukee, Wisconsin by a genuine American named Rick. There's no digital tomfoolery here, nor are our shirts made by 3-week-old kittens slaving at gunpoint in North Korean sweatshops.

The 8-bit Dinosaur Joystick Package is a great way to declare to the world that you're an 8-bit gamer. Includes a clear Atari-style USB joystick with red circuit board + bright red LED and a screen printed 6.1 oz Gildan Ultra Cotton tee. $29.95 + shipping. Don't see an 'add to cart' button? Click here

Size: Kids S (Age 6-8) Kids M (Age 10-12) Adult S Adult M Adult L Adult XL Adult XXL Adult XXXL

We've also brought back our incredibly popular 8-bit Invader design for this special. These black shirts are available in adult and kid's sizes.

The 8-bit Invader Joystick Package pays tribute to the evil monsters that made video games so addictive during the early years.   Includes a clear Atari-style USB joystick with red circuit board + LED and a screen printed 6.1 oz Gildan Ultra Cotton tee. $29.95 + shipping. Don't see an 'add to cart' button? Click here

T-Shirt Size: Kids S (Age 6-8) Kids M (Age 10-12) Adult S Adult M Adult L Adult XL Adult XXL Adult XXXL

The USB joysticks will ship to you within 24 hours for US orders. Rick will print the shirts late next week, so they'll ship separately the week before Christmas and likely won't arrive in time to go under the tree. International orders will ship as a single shipment.

So what are you waiting for? This is the best deal ever on Retro Thing schwag.

Wood + Tech = The Ultimate Neo Geo Controller

Chris Taber just sent me a link to his brand new $199 Analogue Arcade Stick. This stunning wooden work of art is compatible with all Neo Geo home consoles and features the same joystick and buttons that were built into the original Neo Geo arcade units.

It weighs in at 3.9 lbs and comes in ebonized ash or walnut. The heart of the controller is a Seimitsu LS-40 joystick topped by a 35mm black balltop, along with four 30mm game buttons laid out exactly where you'd expect to find them (and I do mean exactly). An additional pair of 24mm Start and Select buttons are hidden conveniently on the rear. The unit includes a 6 foot removable controller cord, too.

The only problem I can see is that there's currently a 5-7 week backlog of orders.

Analogue Interactive Analogue Arcade Stick